I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
