Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
