Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All the doctor said was why
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