He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
