I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
