Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
