I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
