just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sponge bath it is.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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