you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
