I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
