Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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