These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
