I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
