She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
