Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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