Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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