We're like a lot better than the average bears
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
