He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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