Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
