Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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