I only kidnapped one of them. chill
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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