the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
