I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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