he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
