dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
