I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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