I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
