The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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