Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
