After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
