Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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