You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Come back. Shots need mouths.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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