I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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