Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
