ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
