oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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