Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
