I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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