i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
