in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it glows. i had to have it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
