I will die if light touches me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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