did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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