Whod you bang
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
