awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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