omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
