Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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