Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
