he puts the penis in happiness.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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