Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
only if we run a train.
done.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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