This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
