Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
