Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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