i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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