Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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