Moan for me like Helen Keller
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
