Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
