I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
